There are many forms of me:

Jonathan as the thinker;
as the student;
as the scientist;
as the atheist;
as the cyclist;
as so much more.

Jonathan as seen by others;
as seen by himself;
as seen by within;
as seen by without;
as seen yesterday;
as seen tomorrow.

We are the superposition of the many constituents of our many identities, each being the mirror of our personal being. They say that one of the keys to life is to understand yourself; I say that anyone who understands himself is a liar. We view each other, including our own being, through the reflection of a distorted mirror, warped by the cloudiness of our beliefs and prejudices. Change the mirror, change the perspective, change the angle; the view changes, you see yet another side of the man, yet what you see is merely a shadow, a ghost, a person who was never there to begin with.

Me as a cyclist is someone few people close to me have ever seen: fiery, determined to win at whatever costs, masochistic, and emotional, emotionally driven. Me as a thinker is the façade oft presented: calculative, cold, patient, logical, unemotional, and rationally driven. The two “me” cannot be more different; yet they are the same man, inseparably so.

All the qualities ever possessed by man in the world can be used to describe any one person - peer into their minds, peer into their inner desires, their souls. We are humans, and as humans, at the basest of our very nature, we are one and the same. We are many, yet we are one.

At the same time, I am many, yet I am one.
21:34
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Comd SAF BMTC wishes you all the best in your future posting.

Your Posting Order is listed below:

1. You are posted to OCS (ARMY WING).
2. Your vocation is OFFICER CADET (CBT).
3. Your are to report to: SAFTI Military Institute, Warrior's Hall.

10:08
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True colours
Sunday 15 June 2008

There is, perhaps, a secret admiration which all of us harbour deep down towards organisations seemingly effused with efficiency, spirit, success and discipline. We scorn regimentation, yet are inspired by such disciplined regiments all the same, ironically, paradoxically.

Our hearts soar at the sight of high-flying achievements, impressive sights of military displays and equipment, majestic scenes of neatly lined platoons of soldiers, yet we unconsciously advert our eyes from seeing the sacrifices made in the process. Or perhaps it is about acknowledging the sacrifices, but seeing them as a necessary evil towards some greater goal. We take in the propaganda about nationalism, taking up arms with the call for loyalty, perhaps with reluctance, but without truly questioning the necessity to do so. Offerings of incentives, pay and prominence attracts potential recipients like cow dung attracts flies; until today, I still do not understand why people sign up to the army, willingly eating the dung for the rest of their lives.

Unfortunately, behind that tough military façade lies the inevitable threat of war, of conflict with enemy forces. “Kill or be killed,” the army is the personification of that ancient philosophy.

It is overwhelmingly queer that we actually romanticise the purpose of an army, turning their representatives into inspirational role models of the nation. Indeed, its true colours remain as an exasperatingly efficient community set up with the sole aim of slaughtering all others. If only everyone actually understood the machinery of terror which lies in waiting behind this cover of roses...

Without a façade, an army will never be successful - without a good public image, an army is practically non-existent, lacking willing uptakers of arms. The revolting purpose of the army would never be attractive: like rotting meat, no takes would be willingly found. By roasting, smoking or salting, one may improve its appeal, yet once its true nature has been revealed, the sour aftertaste shall remain within for a long time to come.

22:19
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The Revived Atheist

I once thought all was certain
and closed my mind, like curtains,
basking in the enclosed darkness,
carelessly denouncing all religion.

But O! the sun shone o'er the horizon,
revealing colours, shapes and patterns;
astonished I was indeed
at the spotchiness of my ignorance.

Curiosity shall be my guidance,
the map to this world of wonderment,
sceptical though I shall remain
to the truthfulness of my perception.

21:48
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Acronyms
Thursday 12 June 2008

POP (Passing Out Parade) for BMTC period occurred a mere 54 hours ago, and with the advent of the 11 days block leave, a bald-headed Jonathan, bumming about the house, will become a more common sight indeed. A brief phenomenon, just like sakura flowers in full bloom.

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As to a not-so-brief update on my education status, I have currently been accepted into NUS Science, together with the USP (University Scholars Programme), and have been offered a bondless NUS Faculty Award scholarship. While the Award was somewhat disappointing (expected the richer Faculty Scholarship brethren), it is still monetary support nevertheless, ensuring I will never need to pay a cent for my undergraduate studies.

Below is the USP essay that I wrote, in response to the question:

Write an essay that explains why you’ve been intrigued by an idea, concept, or theory you have encountered. This idea can come from either a traditional academic discipline -- such as history, science, philosophy, or mathematics -- or from fields such as film, engineering, art, or politics.

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Mention “fate”, and more often than not, you will hear jeers from the intellectuals. “Fate,” they will declaim, “is a mere myth; like God, it is used to explain events that appear to be beyond human understanding.” Indeed, the postulation of fate as an explanation of events flouts Occam’s Razor, a theory used by scientists which deems the simplest hypothesis to be much more probable. Yet, by no means does its improbability lessen its impact on our thinking, and subsequent conduct in reality.

Fate is ancient concept, and is undoubtedly an intriguing one for me, a fanatic for all things fictional. The bible itself euphemistically portrays fate in the form of prophecy, and an exploration of fictional novels authored over the centuries would reveal its many permutations within their pages. Fate is the idea that events and outcomes are inevitable, as though our lives are divinely decreed to occur in certain manners. While distasteful to some, fate offers interesting perspectives on how the world works.

There is a saying that “it is not our abilities, but our choices, that define who we truly are”. Postulating the existence of fate means that even our choices are pre-determined for us. Our character, personalities, abilities, lives and future are all set in stone. It is, indeed, a fearsome prospect; the existence of fate implies that personal individuality is manufactured by some external entity, and that there is, in fact, no such thing as free will.

When born as children, all of us are exposed to various circumstances and events which eventually shape our character. Even as adults, we are malleable through our experiences. For example, somebody who experienced war would be distinctly different from the same person in the pre-war past. Theoretically, given sufficient insights on psychology and social science, we can formulate laws, allowing for deterministic predictions on the character of a person, based on knowledge of his circumstances. In the future, we can probably manipulate events to shape children to eventually become, say, a devious thief, or a noble minister. Such artificial actualisation of fate, while currently residing only in science fiction, may eventually become reality.

However, fate retains its ethereal might, even without artificial intervention. Supposing that the same person is born in America or Africa, into rich or poor families, times of war or times of peace; we would expect all these instances of the same man to grow up very differently, with distinctly different ideals. People have their character wrought by the environment of their upbringing, which in turns determines their reactions to subsequent events, hence deciding the outcomes. Indeed, our lives are “fated” by the circumstances of our birth. By viewing fate in this manner, it is difficult to deny its role, however illogical or superfluous it appears.

Whether fate exists or not, we remain hapless victims of our individual circumstances. A terrorist is no more responsible for their murderous actions than a phone is to be blamed for ringing. If anything is to be responsible, it would be fate: the nature of his birth. For that reason alone, it is ridiculous to criticise people for doing things the way they do, no matter how ignoble or perverse their actions may be. Given the same upbringing, experiences and underlying motivation, anyone may make similar choices. All of us are distorted images of each other; even denouncing a rapist who murdered ten women is hypocritical. We have no right to criticise the actions of our fellow men, for it is not wholly their responsibilities after all.

My outlook in life was certainly influenced by this realisation, actively promoting tolerance and understanding in my conduct, no matter how exasperating interaction may be with other people. Such a unique window into the machinery of the universe is very much rewarding; despite fate’s controversial power, the gleaning of knowledge from its exploration is unexpectedly worthwhile, much like discovering diamonds while digging in abandoned mines.

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It was only recently that I realised how similar these ideas were to Taoist ideas, and its resonance with Buddhist teachings, which sparked off some interest in Eastern philosophy (and religions). And as I have found thus far, Eastern philosophy isn't as wayward as most tend to think, it is just very practically oriented and very much less abstract than Western philosophy. That's the observable trend for now, in any case...

22:55
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